If you want to support your friend or loved one going through depersonalization & derealization disorder or if you are someone who suffers from it and want to know how to ask for help, then this article is for you.
Depersonalization (DP) is an experience that is hard to put into words. Even the sufferers cannot make much sense of what is happening to them. That is why we find it hard to explain what DP is to our friends and family.
I realized this was a big problem faced by DP sufferers and hence I am writing this article. If you are affected by DP and your friends and family don’t know how to support you, send them this article. Reading it will give them a better understanding of this illness and also teach them how to support you during this difficult time.
From here on, this article is directly addressed to friends and family of people with DP.
A Different Kind of Disorder
Many of us have somewhat of a grasp of what illnesses such as depression or anxiety feels like. These are somewhat common issues plaguing modern society and there has been a lot of awareness in the recent years about them.
Struggling with DP/DR?
DP No More is the only online course you need to recover from depersonalization (DP) and derealization (DR). This is science-backed cure for DP/DR.
Depersonalization, on the other hand, is a different kind of beast. It is somewhat of a rare disorder and there is not much awareness about it. Even a lot of medical professionals do not know about it. Only a person going through DP can know what it really feels like.
Even though it is extremely difficult to put into words what this disorder makes us feel like, I’ll try to do my best and distill my own experience and the experience of people that I have helped to give you a better understanding of it. Let me start by listing some of its common symptoms.
Symptoms of Depersonalization
- Life feels dreamy.
- DP affects the way you make sense of yourself. One can look into a mirror and not feel like they are looking at themselves.
- When they speak, people with DP feel like the words are automatically coming out of their mouth.
- The outside word may feel unreal. This condition is also called derealization (DR) and often accompanies DP.
- Feeling numb and emotionless. A lack of joy or any emotion in their lives. Feeling like there is a veil between the world and themselves.
- Obsession with thoughts about existence, death, after-life, nature of reality and other philosophical topics.
There can be many more symptoms that are unique to the individual.
This is not a trivial disorder. People’s everyday lives become affected by the hindrance created by these symptoms.
Why Does This Happen?
There is still ongoing research about DP and its causes. It is not yet clearly known why some people get affected by DP. However, it is understood that it can be brought about by stress.
DP/DR, in most cases, is associated with anxiety. As a person becomes stressed due to life circumstances, they may become anxious. And as their anxiety increases, it can sometimes lead to developing DP.
Other reasons for developing DP include:
- Going through a traumatic event such as a car accident or death of someone close.
- Smoking marijuana and having a panic attack.
- Experimenting with psychedelic drugs.
- Putting a lot of strain on the body through vigorous exercises or extreme diets.
- Long periods of meditation.
And many more that are specific to a person.
How You Can Support Your Loved Ones
I’ve outlined what DP feels like and what may be its causes. That is some good information to have, but what’s more important is that you know how to support your child, partner or friend who is going through DP.
Here are 11 steps that you can follow:
- Listen without judgment: When someone opens up about their condition to you, offer your presence without judging them. Realize that when you are quick to judge someone as weak, or silly or craving for attention, you are making it hard for them to open up to you. Don’t do that. Instead, hear what they have to say, and maybe towards the end ask them some questions. Make sure these questions come from a place of caring and not judging.
- Don’t offer advice without prior experience: Many people are quick to dish out advice. Don’t be one of them. Don’t say things like “try this new diet, you’ll be cured”, or “do yoga, you’ll be fine” or even something like “get over it!” If your advice doesn’t come from a place of prior experience and wisdom, don’t offer one. If you have not gone through a similar mental illness in your life yourself, then your generic cookie-cutter advice may not be able to help them.
- Offer encouragement, love, and hope: If you were to offer something, offer them words of encouragement, offer them unconditional love and infuse their everyday life with the hope that they can get over DP. These may be missing from their life and can be incredibly healing to receive them from you.
- Your own pain helps connect with theirs: You don’t have to completely understand your loved one’s illness in order to support them. If you have gone through any sort of painful episode in your life, remember that time period in order to connect with the pain of your loved one. At the end of the day, we all go through pain in our lifetime and we all have the capacity to empathize with someone who is suffering.
- Show courage, be a good role model: This is a time for you to be strong. When someone close to you opens up about DP, they may say things like “I think I’m going crazy” or “I have thoughts that I might harm myself.” If you start freaking out during this time, then they are going to be freaking out even more. But if you appear calm and courageous, then they are going to feed off that strength. Courage is contagious. Be a good role model for them.
- Be gentle in your approach: People with DP are in a very confused time in their life. They may be feeling weak, shameful and in a vulnerable place right now. They need your gentle care and support. Learn how to treat someone gently. Don’t be harsh and forceful.
- Don’t treat them like a baby: You can be gentle in your approach but don’t treat your friend or loved one like a baby during this time. They are fully fledged humans who are capable of handling this adversity through their own inner strength. Your love and support will help them find this inner strength inside of them. Don’t rob them of this opportunity by coddling them. There’s a big difference between supporting someone and smothering someone.
- Educate yourself about depersonalization: Read up on depersonalization, anxiety and related topics. You can educate yourself by watching videos or reading articles on these topics. You don’t have to get a PhD in this subject, but spend a little time and catch up on what this condition is about. This will help you know how to handle a certain situation (e.g. when they feel panicky). You’ll be able to better understand them when they talk to you because of your increased knowledge.
- Do things with them: Be there for your loved one or friend. Offer more than just words. This means taking them out on a picnic or a date. Driving them to their counselor or psychologist’s office. Even accompanying them on a walk to a nearby park will help. Spend time with them doing certain activities that can help take their mind off of their illness for a while. But don’t force any of these on them. Instead, offer it as a suggestion and let them know that they can get back to their place of safety anytime they feel overwhelmed. Don’t get hurt or take it personally if they turn your offer down. Try again in a few days.
- Let sufferers become independent: Ensure that the sufferer does not develop a dependence on you. At some point, they need to be able to sit with these difficult feelings and manage them on their own. That is how they can find their way to recovery. Let them become independent as they walk on this path to wellness. Just like how a child develops into a functioning independent adult with the support of a parent, offer your support in a way that they can ultimately find their own inner strength through this difficulty.
- If you can’t help, at least don’t make it worse: As I’ve said before, going through DP can be a confusing chaotic period in someone’s life. Your love and support can make a difference. But if you are unable to help them in the ways that I’ve listed above, at least don’t make it worse for them. If you can’t help, at least get out their way. Don’t tease them, deride them, mock them or hurt them in any other way.
I’d suggest you take a look at DP No More: the only online course anyone needs to recover from depersonalization and derealization. Tell your friend or loved one that many people have fully recovered from DP/DR. All one needs is the right guidance, and be willing to put in the effort it takes.
I want to thank you for taking time to read this article and learning how to be more supportive. With your love and support you friend or loved one can definitely heal from depersonalization and derealization disorder.
If you’re a parent looking specifically to support your son or daugther, then here’s how you can help your child through depersonalization and derealization.
Dear Swamy,
You are by far the most qualified person I’ve found for helping people who find themselves depersonalized and/or highly anxious. Your words and coaching provide unbelievable hope and courage for people going through this. Please continue to do your amazing work. With immense gratitude! Linda
Dear Swamy,
Thank you for your words. Your voice sounds comforting.
Dear Swamy,
My best friend is suffering from Depersonalization . She is scared, and feels so alone. Watching your videos and reading your words has help me learn how to help her and be a positive support.
Thank you so much.
Bonnie
Hey Bonnie, thanks to you for trying to help your friend out.
thank you so much swamy!! you are so motivating:) i was wondering how long it took for you to recover:) and whats the quickest time it takes for someone to recover?
It took me a while, but don’t let that scare you. I didn’t have the right resources. That is why I created this website and my course.
There is no quick recovery from DP/DR. People who promise you that are trying to fool you. Recovery from takes DP/DR takes time, so cultivate patience.
Hey! Recently a girl ended our relationship because she suffers from DP. She thought it was unfair to me that I put in effort that she can’t connect to the way I can. She has no idea when she’ll be ready for anything serious again. It’s harder for me to go back to “friends” than it is for her. Should I give up on this girl and the idea of having “us” in the future?
This is a personal choice you gotta make. If it’s hard for you to be friend with her then end the friendship. What I’d do is to cut contact for a few months and then re-evaluate.
I feel so scared cause I feel like I have this and I’m scared to tell my mom please help
Talk to an adult who can understand you and who cares for you.
Hi my daughter is going through this right now she is agitated and very angry and disorientated, how can I calm her, please help?
My beloved sometimes told me that the best thing for him is to live alone. But many times, i’ve tried to connect with him, make plan to go outside or travel, do gardening together, and I can feel he is backed to himself at that time, not 100% but I know he had backed. Therefore, I am afraid that if he lives alone and does not keep connect with the world, he will never overcome and be stuck in this 4ver. But I also dont want to make everything worse. Please share me your idea if a DP tell us that they want to live alone and what can a supporter do in this case?
Hi
My girlfriend is suffering i need help with helping my future wife please.
I love her so much she’s my twin flame.
She was saying things like im going mad I don’t recognize myself I feel num feels like I’m dreaming ….
I started running her candle lit baths with bath bombs and salts rose pettels new hair products and shower gels face masks the works moving from that got a massarge table i am not a romantic person at all I sound like 1 but there’s no limit to love she’s my world, she helped me leave a life of crime behind and made me mentally strong she helps me into finding the real me.
I have been treating her like a baby
I have put a day to day routine in place
I have done healthy eating
I have asked many times would you like to drive to a romantic hill top and have a Pick nick.
But I did not understand what she was going through I said fix up and she told me whats going on inside.
She has now contacted a professional.
I just need some help along the way
Please.
If anyone has help please contact me i will give you my email address.
Hi! My boyfriend is currently suffering from this and I could really use some advice in order to help him. I would love to marry this man and I truly want to help him during these rough times and find a way to help him deal with it if it happens in the future as well. He has had feelings of depersonalization in the past, but they have not gotten as bad as they are right now. He’s shy and quiet and doesn’t like to express his emotions, but when he does he doesn’t really know how to explain how he’s feeling. He sent me an article explaining depersonalization and said it explained it perfectly. It said that one way to cope with it was try ignoring it and don’t let it control you. I know he is having a rough time with it and I don’t want to see him hurt I need help understanding how to help him cope with it. I try to not bring it up during the day to make it trigger him or make his thoughts even worse, but I don’t know if he feels like I’m just ignoring it. I ask him questions like how’s everything going? And do you need anything? But I feel like I need to do more than just that. He’s scared to even hangout or do things with me because he feels that it could make it even worse and affect our relationship. I know I need to be strong and not let the time away from him affect me, but all I want to do is be by his side and help him. He says things like he just wishes he could sleep all day and he has no energy and I seriously don’t want him falling into depression and spiraling down a different path. He has recently gotten help and has only gone to one therapy session and I’m hoping that helps. He does not want to be on medication because he feels it could be worse and feels that he wouldn’t be the same as the person he was before he took medication. I seriously need help and if you’re willing to help me I would truly appreciate it. Please just let me know, thanks.
Please I have a boyfriend dealing with DP please how can I help him
Hi Swamy G,
Our daughter had to take her freshmen second semester off due to DPDR.
It has been almost 7 months since she has been home and she stays in her room for most of the day and worries that she will never feel like herself again.
We have been encouraging her to exercise daily, volunteer, get a job or at least go for a walk with her grandparents. She is adamant that she is unable to do anything until she starts to feel better. She is even afraid to drive herself anywhere as she feels as if she zones out. She used to love to read and can hardly focus now.
We want to give her structure but she is 18 and refuses to do anything much more than stay in her room and watch Netflix keeping the mind off her misery.
She even refuses to spend time with her visiting cousins who she absolutely adores.
When do we lovingly insist on getting chores done, applying for a job, internship, or the next school semester? How soon after doing your course should she start feeling better? She is getting desperate.
Thanks.
Hi, there is no specific time on how long It takes for the feelings to go away. I have been taking the DPDR no more course and I have been having more moments where things start to feel real, they only last a few seconds but they make a difference. Stressing over how long it’ll take doesn’t really help since it causes stress. Maybe try watching some of the course videos with her or by yourself to have a better understanding. There are going to be a lot of moments of discomfort during the recovery or times that she will feel very low but (from my experience) those are the times that she probably needs to simply try lay down and listen to one of the programs meditations or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jti35OeSZVc&list=PLf8THTaR9BB_KFeRNrLJ7JWjqnkwCbKW2 in order for her to not feel as afraid + it might help her push through those moments. It helps for her to really take a look at her surroundings and accept them for how they look, and for her to try to feel safe on that space. With time the safer she feels and the less afraid she is the more likely her DPDR will start ‘fading away’. Help her understand that she is safe, DPDR is only a symptom, it is not permanent and she will have her life back. + it might help if she goes out of her comfort zone little by little and do small things she enjoys even if she can’t do them at full capacity.